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fortune

QUOTES
Here's a list of random quotes I've placed on my home page in the past:

  • "Sometimes too much etymological knowledge is distracting. For example, the word Amazon is derived from (I believe) Greek myth about an island notable for it's female warriors. Legend goes, they removed one of their breasts to keep them from interfering with their bows. The name Amazon (a - mazon) is literally 'without breast.' ... Which is what I see every time I go to buy a CD."
    - Melissa Hardenbrook

  • "A computer without Windows is like a dog without bricks tied to its head." - Unknown.

  • "More seldom than not, the movies gives us exquisite sex and wholesome violence, that underscores our values. Every two child did. I will." - George W. Bush

  • "Without checking: it sounds like you've got JavaScript switched off. If so, I can only compliment you. :-)" - Branko Collin on comp.graphics.apps.gimp

  • "Only two industries refer to their consumers as 'users': Illegal drugs, and computers." - Edward Tufte

  • "I know this email will reach you as a surprise, but [you] need not to worry as we are using the only secured and confidential medium available"...
    - A spam e-mail, sent as plaintext, regarding a "strictly confidential business proposal"

  • "Bill, don't let pass this amazing..." - Subject of a spam e-mail sent to me

  • "I also specifically remember the day when AOL opened itself up to the newgroups. That was a black day in Internet history." - Adam Spragg

  • "GARLIC, Natures cure to ANTHRAX" - Subject of a spam e-mail sent to me

  • Ode to Lynx

  • "Human females prefer stories about one person dying slowly.
    Males prefer those about many dying quickly."
    - Mating Habits of the Earth Bound Human

  • "Davis police scanner: 'Party complaint. Party complaint. Party complaint. Alcohol poisoning. Party complaint.'" - Jessica Luedtke

  • "A. No
    Q. Is it sensible to top-post?"

  • "Your Key To A New Profit Center In Your Business!! 'IICRC Certified' Senior Carpet Inspector Course" - Spam sent to me

  • "Jason goes to space? It's kinda like... uh. Freddy Kreuger goes to the zoo and slices and dices some rare tropical animals... or Bill and Ted's Fantastic Journey to the Dentis" - David Hedbor, discussing the movie "Jason X"

  • "What kind of a question is that!?" "The kind of question that... ends in a question mark?"

  • "But really, in an ideal utopian world, all those guys would be smiling happily and frolicking in a verdant field... where I would rain hellfire and lightning upon them arbitrarily from my dark tower.

    Hey, it's MY utopia, and petty dot.commers can die die die." - Joe Arruda

  • "It's like CSPAN with lasers!" - Frank DeCaro, on Star Wars, Episode 2.

  • "Some days, you just can't get rid of a bomb" - Batman

  • "He had a vision to refresh people throughout the world. And what that didn't work, he LACED IT WITH COCAINE." - Jon Stewart

  • "Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."

  • "For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism."

  • "There are only 10 types of people in this world -- those who understand binary arithmetic and those who don't."

  • "The 90-90 rule of project schedules: The first 90 percent of the project takes 90 percent of the alloted time. The last 10 percent takes the other 90 percent."

  • "God gave you two legs, a hand... and... somewhere to walk." - Osie Thorpe, Washington DC Mayoral Candidate

  • "My life so far has been a long series of things I wasn't ready for." - Ashleigh Brilliant

  • "You're so old, the Dead Sea was just sick back then."

  • "Patient dressed, but lacks style. Combative when prodded."

  • "Failure is not an option. It comes bundled with your Microsoft product."

  • "All I want is a warm bed and a kind word and unlimited power." - Ashleigh Brilliant

  • "All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure." - Mark Twain

  • > > Well, it must be nice to offer Windows enthusiasts
    > > an alternative to their damnably bad OS.

    > An OS that allows millions of people to get their work done
    > is not bad. Bad are the [...] diehard antique fans who are in denial.

    By that reasoning, McDonalds sells perfectly good food.
    Does that mean supermarkets are for diehard antique fans?

    - Greg Menke

  • "Forcing society to re-invest in stuff we've paid for is anti-productive and prevents the use of that money for more important things. For instance, from buying medicine for infants. So why is Microsoft in favor of killing babies?" - Chuck Polisher

  • "For every ten 'Under Construction' signs to go up on websites, maybe two will ever come down before the heat-death of the Universe."

  • "Isn't air travel wonderful? Breakfast in London, dinner in New York, luggage in Brazil."

  • "Ahh, but the important question is whether it's a small m or a big M. The answer is, of course, the big M. The small m stands for milli, or 1/1000, as in mHn, or milliHelen: the amount of beauty required to launch one ship." - 'Timberwolf'

  • "[Dr. Pepper] has got prune juice in it, you know." - Me
    "I know. I drink it regularly." - Seth Nagao

  • "What makes GNU/Linux software work is the open source model, the ability to share ideas and work together freely. It's not communism. It's the scientific method, which works well for physicists, doctors, and researchers. It's ideal for software creation too."

  • "Many people [...] have said that the worst feature of C is that switches don't break automatically before each case label. [Duff's Device] forms some sort of argument in that debate, but I'm not sure whether it's for or against." - Tom Duff

  • "You can't trust code that you did not totally create yourself. (Especially code from companies that employ people like me.) No amount of source-level verification or scrutiny will protect you from using untrusted code." - Ken Thomson, Co-Creator of Unix

  • "Nothing is more distracting to a crowd of geeks than a projector that's not quite working yet and needs some kind of tweak." - Eric Eisenhart

  • "HAMMER, noun: A tool for hurting fingers. Hammers are generally made of a specially magnetised metal that is naturally attracted to skin."

  • "WAP is the sound a clunky Internet-enabled cellphone makes when you throw it at a brick wall in frustration. 3G is approximately the acceleration required to crush a clunky Internet-enabled cellphone in frustration." - 'Frozen North'

  • "It is impossible to prove that proprietary software is more secure than free software, because the model of proprietary software itself prevents this analysis."

  • "Milhouse, you ready to imitate that 'Jackass' show?"
    "All those disclaimers made me want to do it more!"

  • "So, I heard Madonna and Cher got in a fight and they are no longer on a first name basis."

  • "Dude, if they're dumb enough to forward the chain letter, do you think they're smart enough to chop the headers?"

  • "In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, they are not."

  • "You need [an FM] signal for testing [the receiver], so now corporate radio finally will be worthwhile for someone other than the three Eagles fans who don't have a copy of 'Hotel California' and the one guy who wants to buy a Toyota but doesn't know where the dealer is." - Don Marti

  • "Q. How many Apple Newton Engineers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    A. Foux! There to eat lemons, axe gravy soup."

  • <sandman> gouda day to you all
    <irwin> That's a pretty cheesy line.
    <sandman> Cheesy lines are easy.... they're a bries.... ;)
    <irwin> You might say that's it's not a difficult feta.

  • Q: How do you say "spam" in Marketinglish?
    A: Low-cost, low-yield, saturation-based advertising with
    self-identifying, follow-up targeting and multiple-level-leverageable
    subsidiary database profit opportunities.
    - Justin Thiessen

  • Windows users practically need a degree to get rid of all the spyware/bloat/malware on their computers now, let alone hack the mystical registry when a program doesn't play nice when removed.
    - 'rolfwind'

  • "Einstein's theory of gravitation replaced Newton's in this century, but apples didn't suspend themselves in midair, pending the outcome."
    - Stephen Jay Gould

    > Last year's Usenix conference was full of Powerbooks
    This is an example of Principle of Similarity and Principle of Social Proof including "The Number of Sources" Effect.
    > Most of the top dogs in the industry.
    This is an example of influence using authority, including High Status
    > That prompted me to buy a PowerMac.
    Aha! The requested target action!
    > It's the best computing decision I've ever made.
    Principle of Consistency
    p.s., I'm not mocking you. I just noticed a bunch of statements that match the midterm I have Thursday night. Thus, this post counts as "studying"
    - sg3000, on Slashdot

    "> I'm an engineer. I choose the best tool for the job, politics be damned.

    You must be a stupid engineer then, because politcs and technology have been attacted at the hip since the 1st dynasty in Ancient Egypt.

    I guess you missed that one."
    - Ruben Safir

  • "Hacking: to make chopping strokes or blows
    Tool: a handheld device that aids in accomplishing a task

    An example of a hacking tool is an ax or hatchet. Almost all laptops seem vulnerable to this hacking tool. One previously unknown exploit is that this hacking tool can make a wired network into a wireless network.

    Thank you and good night." - Propaganda13 on Slashdot
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